Week 2...Phew!
Wow, where to even begin this week. To be honest we are exhausted, tired, and dirty, but enjoying every day to the fullest! This week started off at a fast pace as we had a lot of things to finish up on Monday to get ready for court. It was a busy day, but we thankfully got everything done and were in bed at a reasonable time. Unfortunately neither of us could sleep very well due to our jitters, and when the alarm went off on Tuesday morning we both only got about 4-5 hours.
We got to the orphanage around 7:30am and read with the boys for about 30 minutes. Then we said goodbye to L, packed up J and were on the road by 8:05. It was a 2.5 hour drive to Kampala and we picked up J's biological relatives on the way into town. We arrived at the lawyer's office at 10:15 and waited while the family got de-briefed one last time (basically to confirm all the details our lawyer had been previously given and allow them to share anything new). We were at the courthouse by 11am for our appointment, and then the wait began. At noon we all went downstairs to the "Food Canteen" to eat lunch. It was a little hole in the wall place that was filthy, but the food was good and J scarfed all of his down!
After lunch we headed back upstairs to continue waiting. We changed J into his court clothes and let him play a while. He was still getting over a cold, so in general he was lethargic and snuggly, but definitely still wanted to play. After about another hour of waiting we went outside to take some pictures with J's biological family. I know someday he will ask about them and I wanted him to be able to see their faces when we have that discussion. In general they were a bit standoffish, but not unkind. They were silent most of the day, even when Paul and I tried to engage with them, but we still tried to get J to spend some time with them throughout the day. After 4.5 hours of waiting, the judge finally took us in at 3:15pm.
He started off by asking our lawyer to confirm all the details of our application and spent 30 minutes reviewing details of our case...who we are, our financial status, our stability and what recommendations we have. After that he began questioning the biological relatives one at a time. He made them stand up in front of him one at a time and questioned them individually. It was all in Lugandan so Paul and I were pretty clueless, but it seemed to go well. We were nervous for J to be listening to the family getting questioned as he would understand in Lugandan, but because he wasn't feeling well he slept on Paul and I the entire first hour. We were SO happy! After he was done questioning the family, he started on me. All of his questions came after a long-winded story or anecdote and often it was hard to know if he was even asking a question! He started with a lot of questions as to why we don't have biological children. He pushed me hard and poked fun at me saying that I didn't want to disfigure my body, that I didn't want to handle the labor pains, that I was scared, etc. It was ridiculous, but I just let him talk until he was finished. I went in with the strategy of keeping my answers short and sweet, and that's exactly what I did. I merely answered that we also wanted to have biological children. He then told me that we wanted these children merely as "ornaments" and it would fit our "American lifestyle" to have them. I merely denied this and moved on. From there he went into religion. J's family is Muslim and he told me that by Ugandan Law I had to raise him Muslim. I stated that J has been raised in a Christian orphanage for the last 4 years and no matter what his family's religion is, he is Christian and we will raise him that way. He then made me read the religion section out of the Ugandan Law Book aloud for everyone to hear. It basically stated that if the family's religion is known than the adoptive parents had to raise the child that way, but if the family's religion is unknown than they could raise the child however they wanted. He then said, "So now what do you think?" I again repeated the same answer and he asked me if I wanted the family to know this. I said yes, and he made the social worker get up and tell the family what I had said. He then asked them to recite different Muslim prayers, which they could not do because they are not practicing Muslims, and then looked at me and told me we could raise J as a Christian. It was unreal. He was really just trying to ruffle my feathers, but I just tried to stay confident in my answers and he finally told me I could sit down. Phew! In total we were in his chambers for 2.5 hours and it took all my strength not to run out of there.
During the day J was awesome!!!! He played so well by himself and was patient and snuggly most of the day. It was nice to spend some one on one time with him all day, and you could tell how much he lit up with our undivided attention. He was awake most of the ride home and was in awe at all the lights of the city and the amount of cars/vehicles all around. He was such a happy boy most of the day, but as we got closer to the orphanage he was getting more and more upset. He started getting fussy and cranky when we were about 5 minutes away and as soon as we pulled in he started screaming and crying. I got out of the van and tried to pick him up, but he was thrashing and kicking and hitting to the point that I could not contain him. Paul grabbed him from me and finally got him to calm down, but he was SO mad at us he wouldn't even say goodbye. It was heartbreaking. I'm sure he thought we were dropping him off for good, but it was still so difficult after the great day we had with him. We knew he was exhausted from the long day which was contributing, but we also know he doesn't understand all that's happening and was fighting his instinct to remain unattached. We both know this is something we will have to work through to gain his full trust, but it was so difficult for all of us. Once he let us touch him, we gave him hugs and told him we would see him tomorrow and off we went. Our relief from the day ended with deflation, but we told ourselves this is part of the process and we have to give his emotions to God. It's still just so hard.
The next morning we again arrived at the orphanage at 7:30am. Thankfully J ran right up to us and said "up, please!" with wide, outstretched arms, and it was clear he was not still mad from the night before. Praise Jesus! We read with both boys again for about 20 minutes, but it was clear J did not know that just L was coming with us. When it was time for us to leave, we got L ready and sat J down to tell him again that he was not going today. Again he started crying and yelling at the disappointment of it all. A worker at the orphanage let us kiss him goodbye and then scooped him up to help us leave on time. When we walked out he was still so upset and Paul and I again had to give him over to God.
L was SO excited to be going with us and was telling everyone we saw, "I am going to Kampala!!" He is such a ham and it was precious to see his joy. L is quite the talker and understands almost everything in English, so it was fun to see his reaction to everything. He was pointing out colors, shapes, cars, trees, animals, and anything else he knew...and what he didn't know he was asking us to tell him :) He was actually so excited in the early part of the day he was stuttering to get his words out. It was so sweet. The drive to Kampala was much longer on our 2nd day and we didn't arrive to the lawyer's office until 11:30. The biological family was more spread out on our way in and we had to wait a few times for them to arrive. Additionally, we were traveling with another family who had court right after us, and their son had to pee a few times as well. It was quite the trip :) After the family was debriefed we headed to the courthouse and immediately went to lunch. L also scarfed down ALL his food and Paul and I gave him some of ours as well. After lunch we changed him into his little suit and began the wait. L was much more active than J, but was still so well-behaved. He played for over 4 hours with just a matchbox car, a coloring book and 2 reading books. It was pretty impressive.
Our court appointment was again at 11am and he didn't see us until 4:35...It was a long wait. We were in his chambers for 2 hours this time, and he questioned me much more than he did the day before. Again about biological children...why I'm not pregnant when I have no medical reason not to be...he called me a bad wife for not "tending to my field and respecting my husband", then he asked every Ugandan in the room if they knew anybody who had been married for 6 years and did not have children. It was again such a show! He then went into bloodline and "flesh and blood"...will I treat them like my biological children...if we don't have any children Paul's last name would not be carried on, etc. I simply stated that we wanted these children first, we wanted to adopt first and of course we would treat them as if I birthed them. I also told him that regardless of whether or not they are my biological children, they will carry on Paul's last name because they are our flesh and blood. He scoffed a bit at me but thankfully moved on. His last big topic was regarding the fact that we are adopting 2. He then went on a tangent comparing me to Oliver Twist because I "wanted more." Then he told me he would not give me 2, he would only give me 1 and I had to choose between them. Of course I said I would never choose and I would fight for both of them. He then asked me to choose in 4 different ways (pick from a hat, have someone else pick, eeny meeny miny moe, etc). I repeated myself 4 times to which he finally let me sit down. It was brutal and I had a severe headache most of the time we were in court, which made it so much worse, but I was SO happy when it was over!! Thankfully L was content quietly playing with Paul almost the whole time, so I didn't have to worry about how he was doing. It was a huge sigh of relief when we finally walked out of there!
Additionally, things with L's biological family went SO well. I felt so blessed by God in this regard!! After court we had to wait for the other couple to get through their court appointment, so we spent the time with L's family taking pictures and drinking some water. Before they left, L's grandfather asked if he could pray for us and it was incredible!! He laid hands on all of us and prayed for safety, peace, provision, abundance and blessing. He prayed for God to come and reside over us and for God to carry L through a prosperous life. I was in tears and so humbled by his kindness toward us. It was a perfect end to our time with them.
The other couple was done around 8:30pm and we headed back to Jinja (3 hours!). In total it was an 18 hour day and needless to say we were ready to be home. L slept on Paul most of the ride home and was still sleeping when we got back to the orphanage. We were so happy we didn't have to go through the same anger and sadness as we had to with J, and when we saw them again the next morning, all was well. It has been so hard to see the sadness in their eyes and the hurt in their hearts through all of this, and Paul and I are constantly trying to navigate their needs (as well as ours), and trying to let God do the rest. This is just such a crazy process!
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| Court outfits! |
We got to the orphanage around 7:30am and read with the boys for about 30 minutes. Then we said goodbye to L, packed up J and were on the road by 8:05. It was a 2.5 hour drive to Kampala and we picked up J's biological relatives on the way into town. We arrived at the lawyer's office at 10:15 and waited while the family got de-briefed one last time (basically to confirm all the details our lawyer had been previously given and allow them to share anything new). We were at the courthouse by 11am for our appointment, and then the wait began. At noon we all went downstairs to the "Food Canteen" to eat lunch. It was a little hole in the wall place that was filthy, but the food was good and J scarfed all of his down!
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| Sitting on my lap, but keeping Paul close :) |
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| J enjoying the ride with Daddy |
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| Where we ate lunch! |
After lunch we headed back upstairs to continue waiting. We changed J into his court clothes and let him play a while. He was still getting over a cold, so in general he was lethargic and snuggly, but definitely still wanted to play. After about another hour of waiting we went outside to take some pictures with J's biological family. I know someday he will ask about them and I wanted him to be able to see their faces when we have that discussion. In general they were a bit standoffish, but not unkind. They were silent most of the day, even when Paul and I tried to engage with them, but we still tried to get J to spend some time with them throughout the day. After 4.5 hours of waiting, the judge finally took us in at 3:15pm.
During the day J was awesome!!!! He played so well by himself and was patient and snuggly most of the day. It was nice to spend some one on one time with him all day, and you could tell how much he lit up with our undivided attention. He was awake most of the ride home and was in awe at all the lights of the city and the amount of cars/vehicles all around. He was such a happy boy most of the day, but as we got closer to the orphanage he was getting more and more upset. He started getting fussy and cranky when we were about 5 minutes away and as soon as we pulled in he started screaming and crying. I got out of the van and tried to pick him up, but he was thrashing and kicking and hitting to the point that I could not contain him. Paul grabbed him from me and finally got him to calm down, but he was SO mad at us he wouldn't even say goodbye. It was heartbreaking. I'm sure he thought we were dropping him off for good, but it was still so difficult after the great day we had with him. We knew he was exhausted from the long day which was contributing, but we also know he doesn't understand all that's happening and was fighting his instinct to remain unattached. We both know this is something we will have to work through to gain his full trust, but it was so difficult for all of us. Once he let us touch him, we gave him hugs and told him we would see him tomorrow and off we went. Our relief from the day ended with deflation, but we told ourselves this is part of the process and we have to give his emotions to God. It's still just so hard.
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| Showing J pictures of himself :) |
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| Playing with his matchbox car when we was so tuckered out |
L was SO excited to be going with us and was telling everyone we saw, "I am going to Kampala!!" He is such a ham and it was precious to see his joy. L is quite the talker and understands almost everything in English, so it was fun to see his reaction to everything. He was pointing out colors, shapes, cars, trees, animals, and anything else he knew...and what he didn't know he was asking us to tell him :) He was actually so excited in the early part of the day he was stuttering to get his words out. It was so sweet. The drive to Kampala was much longer on our 2nd day and we didn't arrive to the lawyer's office until 11:30. The biological family was more spread out on our way in and we had to wait a few times for them to arrive. Additionally, we were traveling with another family who had court right after us, and their son had to pee a few times as well. It was quite the trip :) After the family was debriefed we headed to the courthouse and immediately went to lunch. L also scarfed down ALL his food and Paul and I gave him some of ours as well. After lunch we changed him into his little suit and began the wait. L was much more active than J, but was still so well-behaved. He played for over 4 hours with just a matchbox car, a coloring book and 2 reading books. It was pretty impressive.
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| L captivated by the drive! |
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| Playing with daddy's watch. He REFUSED to take his backpack off! |
Our court appointment was again at 11am and he didn't see us until 4:35...It was a long wait. We were in his chambers for 2 hours this time, and he questioned me much more than he did the day before. Again about biological children...why I'm not pregnant when I have no medical reason not to be...he called me a bad wife for not "tending to my field and respecting my husband", then he asked every Ugandan in the room if they knew anybody who had been married for 6 years and did not have children. It was again such a show! He then went into bloodline and "flesh and blood"...will I treat them like my biological children...if we don't have any children Paul's last name would not be carried on, etc. I simply stated that we wanted these children first, we wanted to adopt first and of course we would treat them as if I birthed them. I also told him that regardless of whether or not they are my biological children, they will carry on Paul's last name because they are our flesh and blood. He scoffed a bit at me but thankfully moved on. His last big topic was regarding the fact that we are adopting 2. He then went on a tangent comparing me to Oliver Twist because I "wanted more." Then he told me he would not give me 2, he would only give me 1 and I had to choose between them. Of course I said I would never choose and I would fight for both of them. He then asked me to choose in 4 different ways (pick from a hat, have someone else pick, eeny meeny miny moe, etc). I repeated myself 4 times to which he finally let me sit down. It was brutal and I had a severe headache most of the time we were in court, which made it so much worse, but I was SO happy when it was over!! Thankfully L was content quietly playing with Paul almost the whole time, so I didn't have to worry about how he was doing. It was a huge sigh of relief when we finally walked out of there!
Additionally, things with L's biological family went SO well. I felt so blessed by God in this regard!! After court we had to wait for the other couple to get through their court appointment, so we spent the time with L's family taking pictures and drinking some water. Before they left, L's grandfather asked if he could pray for us and it was incredible!! He laid hands on all of us and prayed for safety, peace, provision, abundance and blessing. He prayed for God to come and reside over us and for God to carry L through a prosperous life. I was in tears and so humbled by his kindness toward us. It was a perfect end to our time with them.
The other couple was done around 8:30pm and we headed back to Jinja (3 hours!). In total it was an 18 hour day and needless to say we were ready to be home. L slept on Paul most of the ride home and was still sleeping when we got back to the orphanage. We were so happy we didn't have to go through the same anger and sadness as we had to with J, and when we saw them again the next morning, all was well. It has been so hard to see the sadness in their eyes and the hurt in their hearts through all of this, and Paul and I are constantly trying to navigate their needs (as well as ours), and trying to let God do the rest. This is just such a crazy process!
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| L sleeping on Paul |
On Thursday we let ourselves sleep in a bit and got ready at a lazy pace. We both felt like we had been hit by a truck and we were definitely dragging most of the day. We went to the orphanage around 10 and stayed with boys until 12:30 before heading back to our apartment for lunch. We ate some peanut butter sandwiches and then both took an hour nap :) We headed back to the orphanage around 3:30 and took the boys to another family's house near the lake. We let them play and run around in a gated yard, which was nice to not have to be watching like a hawk every minute. We took them back for dinner and bedtime around 6:30 and then headed to dinner with some of the other families in town.
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| Carrier time! Thank you ACAC!! |
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| J held on tight, but loved it :) |
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| Swinging by the lake! |
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| Thirsty boys! |
On Friday we definitely felt much more awake, but still so mentally and emotionally tired. We took the boys to our friend's house again in the morning and let them run around and feed the chickens. L LOVES to chase the chickens and we showed him how to get the baby chicks to eat out of his hand. He was in heaven :) J is still very afraid of animals and loud noises, so he stayed close to us most of the time. Both of the boys love to sing and they were singing songs and dancing most of the morning as well. It is so precious to hear! After their naps we picked them up at 3:45 and went to the Jinja Sailing Club. The views are so beautiful and the boys LOVED seeing all the boats pass by. There is also a small playground there (really meant more for babies), but J&L were playing with 3 other adopted Ugandans and were enjoying themselves thoroughly. It was a long walk back to the orphanage but L wanted to walk, so he helped Paul push the stroller. Halfway through the walk back he said, "Daddy I'm tired!", but at that point we already had 2 kids in the stroller so he walked the rest of the way. Overall, they have been good when we take them out, but there is still quite a language barrier with J which makes it more difficult. We often ask L to help translate which helps quite a bit.
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| We were able to take the stroller to the Sailing Club! |
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| Jinja Sailing Club |
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| L helping Paul push and another friend from the orphanage walking beside |
Saturday we went to the "forest" to feed the monkeys, but unfortunately there were no monkeys in sight. We ended up having a picnic on the ground near the source of the Nile river and let the boys run around. There was also a hammock, so we tucked them in and swung them side to side which was a love/hate relationship. As long as we were gentle they were so excited, but J definitely got a bit scared as we swung higher. In the afternoon, we were extra tired so we stayed at the orphanage and let the kiddos play outside. We pushed on swings and jumped on the trampoline and read books, all in all a good day.
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| Hammock fun! |
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| Paul carrying L and pushing J and another little J in the stroller. Boss. |
This morning we went to breakfast with 3 other families and recharged our batteries with some iced coffee! It was a little slice of heaven! After breakfast we tried a new church called Victoria Baptist Church. On Saturday night when we were walking home, we heard them belting out the song "Break Every Chain"...we liked it so much we decided to try them out. The service was longer, about 2 hours, but it was very good and everyone was so kind and hospitable. It was nice to meet some of the locals and even more wonderful to hear their stories. We are really enjoying this beautiful town we're in. After church we headed home and relaxed a bit since the boys were at their church most of the morning. This afternoon we plan to spend the afternoon with J&L and then come back to our apartment where our Italian landlord is going to cook us a mean lasagna. We are having a sort of going away dinner for one of the other families who has completed their process and are heading home on Wednesday. They have been here over 4 months, so they are excited to begin their lives at home with their kiddos! It was a great Sunday and Paul and I spent some much needed time resting and regrouping.
This week has been a huge roller coster of emotions, and Paul and I have been trying to talk through everything as often as possible to make sure were on the same page. Most the of time it's exhausting, and sometimes we find ourselves getting frustrated, but we're trying to realize that as much as they are growing, so are we, and when it's all said and done we're doing the best we can. Everyday we are growing more in love with these little ones, and I'm beginning to see a glimpse of God's heart toward us, while we're pursuing the heart of our boys. God loves these little lives more than I ever could, and anytime I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point, I remember that and trust Him to take care of the rest.
We can't thank you enough for your support and encouragement! Please keep the e-mails coming, because we LOVE to hear from you. It's been hard to be away from everyone we love and all we know, but we know you are with us in spirit and we are excited for a grand reunion on the other side of this :)
Praying you are all well! xo