Back to Reality
Dear Friends and Family,
Let me start by saying thank you for your congratulations, your love, your meals, your kindness and your excitement at our homecoming! It has been quite a week and we are still reeling at the culture shock. The boys have done well for the most part, but I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week. The few things that have been the hardest are: 1) the boys are not sleeping, which means mom and dad are not sleeping. We've had successful naps 3 days, but the rest of the week it's been a no go. Additionally, they are waking up multiple times a night, and then are up...I mean wide-awake...at 3:30, 4:00 or 4:30am. The lack of sleep has made it hard on all of us, but we've been happy to have the help of Grammy and Grampy and Nana and Pops for our first week home. 2) Meeting so many new people! The boys are warming up nicely to our parents, but still won't stay with them or play with them for long periods of time alone yet (even if we're home, but just not in the room!). We still need to be present and active with them most of the time, which is tiring when we're already tired from not sleeping...I'm sure if you're a parent, you understand! We are excited for the time that we can actually have a couple minutes to ourselves ;) They've done well with meeting some of our friends, but we have seen some negative effects in behavior when they are over-stimulated with all the new. We've been trying to be VERY sensitive to this, but it's just hard to be on high-alert every minute. 3) The change from 2 parents to one. More on this later.
Jordan has been good for the most part with little signs of distress or grief since we've been home. He has seemed to jump right in to this new life, and has loved having so many new things to explore. The toughest part has been the tantrums and defiance, mostly due to his lack of consistent sleep, which then makes him dragon Jordan! BUT Paul and I have stood our ground, and even if it means sitting at the table for 45 minutes until he eats, we've done it. It hasn't been fun or easy, but he's learning that we STILL mean business, even if the environment is different, and he's slowly accepting this :)
Sebastian on the other hand has had a pretty hard time with all the change. Emotionally he is struggling, and it's clear he doesn't know how to express what he's feeling. We have seen aggression, defiance and tantrums come out that we never saw in Uganda, and it's been hard to navigate how best to help him. We've tried hard to get him to express in words what's going on, but it takes a lot of coaxing and patience. He has started to be able to say small phrases, but it's clear he is struggling with certain things, and it's hard as a parent to not know exactly what's going through his little heart. I know Paul going back to work has played a part in his change in behavior, but there are a lot of other things that seem to trigger him for no reason, so I've worked hard to give him extra love and extra attention to help show him we care. Again, I think once he starts sleeping better things won't be so extreme, but as of right now, I'm taking it a day at a time. He has, however, embraced his name well and now calls himself Sebastian 100% of the time :)
The boys have had so many firsts since we embarked from the airport to home, which has been fun to see! Meeting their grandparents, riding in carseats (PRAISE JESUS!), seeing Paul and I drive, watching a show on TV, having their own beds, taking a warm bath, going up/down stairs everyday, wearing socks, wearing jackets, seeing a fireplace, eating new food, playing on a playground, seeing a large fridge/freezer, watching the garage truck outside, riding on an elevator, riding on an escalator, going to a farm, and probably more that I can't remember. They are SO excited at the littlest things, and it's so sweet to see their innocence with things we could care less about. The times they are a changin'!
Paul and I are feeling a bit beat up and bruised, but it's been nice to have the comforts of our home. We really do feel like we've been through a war, and coming home has been a bit more traumatic than we anticipated. Paul going back to work has been pretty tough on me, as I've been used to parenting with him, but I've been working hard to adjust my expectations and AGAIN give myself some grace. The boys are definitely pushing my limits with this new change, but I've been firm and consistent, and they are realizing I'm still the boss. The toughest part has been the emotional processing of all we went through and now trying to get back to our previous life. Everything feels different. Everything feels harder. Nothing feels normal. BUT our life is more enriched by these sweet lives, and every day I see them smile I'm reminded why we did what we did. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling alone and exhausted and sad much of the time, but a lot of it is similar to what the boys are going through...so much new, so much different, and no sleep! Additionally, I've been sick this week which has made all of this infinitely harder. I'm really not complaining or trying to make this all sound terrible, I'm just trying to keep it real. Adoption is so hard. This transition has been so hard...harder than I thought...and I still find myself crying often at so many things that I'm still trying to work through. Paul and I are trusting God to continue to work in us and our boys, and even though all of this continues to feel raw and difficult, we KNOW that God is working, and we will rest in that.
We have been blessed by local friends bringing meals, which has been a HUGE help. Making dinner has been the last thing on my list, and it has been wonderful to not have to worry about that in addition to all the rest. We have been hibernating for most of the week, and have only ventured out to the playground a couple times. Thankfully, no one has been there so the boys and I have been able to play without reservation. They've enjoyed this addition to their routine, but are still trying to get used to the cold weather! :) We are not ready for Thanksgiving this week, as it doesn't feel like the holidays yet, but we have SO much to be thankful for this year, and we are excited to spend some time with Paul's family and let them meet the boys! We still have such a long way to go, and so much to work through, but we're trying to take it one hour at a time, and let people help as much as the boys will allow! We continue to need your prayers and support, and we hope you will continue to follow our journey as we get our boys acclimated to being Stevens!
Here are some pics from our trip home and first week!
As we've been home this week, here is a list of 10 things we miss and don't miss about Uganda:
What we miss:
1) The people
2) The landscape
3) The weather (but not the rain!)
4) Chapati
5) Cheap coffees
6) Alba's food and gelato
7) Being able to walk almost anywhere
8) Hopping on a boda to get anywhere in 5 minutes or less
9) The simplicity of everyday life
10) Being a complete family all day, every day
What we don't miss:
1) Cold showers
2) Sleeping in the same room as our boys
3) Whispering from 8pm until we go to bed :)
4) Carrying our boys everywhere
5) The smell of burning plastic/trash
6) Bugs, cockroaches, rats, ants (in my toothbrush! yuck!)
7) Constantly feeling dirty
8) The slllooooowwwww internet
9) Sleeping under a mosquito net
10) Never knowing if the power (most importantly our fan!) is going to be on
Thank you all for your continued love and support. We are so blessed by each of you, and we can't wait to share all these new firsts in our boys's lives!
We love you!
Let me start by saying thank you for your congratulations, your love, your meals, your kindness and your excitement at our homecoming! It has been quite a week and we are still reeling at the culture shock. The boys have done well for the most part, but I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week. The few things that have been the hardest are: 1) the boys are not sleeping, which means mom and dad are not sleeping. We've had successful naps 3 days, but the rest of the week it's been a no go. Additionally, they are waking up multiple times a night, and then are up...I mean wide-awake...at 3:30, 4:00 or 4:30am. The lack of sleep has made it hard on all of us, but we've been happy to have the help of Grammy and Grampy and Nana and Pops for our first week home. 2) Meeting so many new people! The boys are warming up nicely to our parents, but still won't stay with them or play with them for long periods of time alone yet (even if we're home, but just not in the room!). We still need to be present and active with them most of the time, which is tiring when we're already tired from not sleeping...I'm sure if you're a parent, you understand! We are excited for the time that we can actually have a couple minutes to ourselves ;) They've done well with meeting some of our friends, but we have seen some negative effects in behavior when they are over-stimulated with all the new. We've been trying to be VERY sensitive to this, but it's just hard to be on high-alert every minute. 3) The change from 2 parents to one. More on this later.
Jordan has been good for the most part with little signs of distress or grief since we've been home. He has seemed to jump right in to this new life, and has loved having so many new things to explore. The toughest part has been the tantrums and defiance, mostly due to his lack of consistent sleep, which then makes him dragon Jordan! BUT Paul and I have stood our ground, and even if it means sitting at the table for 45 minutes until he eats, we've done it. It hasn't been fun or easy, but he's learning that we STILL mean business, even if the environment is different, and he's slowly accepting this :)
Sebastian on the other hand has had a pretty hard time with all the change. Emotionally he is struggling, and it's clear he doesn't know how to express what he's feeling. We have seen aggression, defiance and tantrums come out that we never saw in Uganda, and it's been hard to navigate how best to help him. We've tried hard to get him to express in words what's going on, but it takes a lot of coaxing and patience. He has started to be able to say small phrases, but it's clear he is struggling with certain things, and it's hard as a parent to not know exactly what's going through his little heart. I know Paul going back to work has played a part in his change in behavior, but there are a lot of other things that seem to trigger him for no reason, so I've worked hard to give him extra love and extra attention to help show him we care. Again, I think once he starts sleeping better things won't be so extreme, but as of right now, I'm taking it a day at a time. He has, however, embraced his name well and now calls himself Sebastian 100% of the time :)
The boys have had so many firsts since we embarked from the airport to home, which has been fun to see! Meeting their grandparents, riding in carseats (PRAISE JESUS!), seeing Paul and I drive, watching a show on TV, having their own beds, taking a warm bath, going up/down stairs everyday, wearing socks, wearing jackets, seeing a fireplace, eating new food, playing on a playground, seeing a large fridge/freezer, watching the garage truck outside, riding on an elevator, riding on an escalator, going to a farm, and probably more that I can't remember. They are SO excited at the littlest things, and it's so sweet to see their innocence with things we could care less about. The times they are a changin'!
Paul and I are feeling a bit beat up and bruised, but it's been nice to have the comforts of our home. We really do feel like we've been through a war, and coming home has been a bit more traumatic than we anticipated. Paul going back to work has been pretty tough on me, as I've been used to parenting with him, but I've been working hard to adjust my expectations and AGAIN give myself some grace. The boys are definitely pushing my limits with this new change, but I've been firm and consistent, and they are realizing I'm still the boss. The toughest part has been the emotional processing of all we went through and now trying to get back to our previous life. Everything feels different. Everything feels harder. Nothing feels normal. BUT our life is more enriched by these sweet lives, and every day I see them smile I'm reminded why we did what we did. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling alone and exhausted and sad much of the time, but a lot of it is similar to what the boys are going through...so much new, so much different, and no sleep! Additionally, I've been sick this week which has made all of this infinitely harder. I'm really not complaining or trying to make this all sound terrible, I'm just trying to keep it real. Adoption is so hard. This transition has been so hard...harder than I thought...and I still find myself crying often at so many things that I'm still trying to work through. Paul and I are trusting God to continue to work in us and our boys, and even though all of this continues to feel raw and difficult, we KNOW that God is working, and we will rest in that.
We have been blessed by local friends bringing meals, which has been a HUGE help. Making dinner has been the last thing on my list, and it has been wonderful to not have to worry about that in addition to all the rest. We have been hibernating for most of the week, and have only ventured out to the playground a couple times. Thankfully, no one has been there so the boys and I have been able to play without reservation. They've enjoyed this addition to their routine, but are still trying to get used to the cold weather! :) We are not ready for Thanksgiving this week, as it doesn't feel like the holidays yet, but we have SO much to be thankful for this year, and we are excited to spend some time with Paul's family and let them meet the boys! We still have such a long way to go, and so much to work through, but we're trying to take it one hour at a time, and let people help as much as the boys will allow! We continue to need your prayers and support, and we hope you will continue to follow our journey as we get our boys acclimated to being Stevens!
Here are some pics from our trip home and first week!
Airport/Airplane
HOME!
with Grampy
with Nana
Playground!
Jordan reading with Grammy
Trains with Grammy
SO happy daddy is home from work!
Jordan reading with Grampy
My sidekicks in the backseat!
Watching TV for the first time
Sebastian snuggling with daddy
Reading with daddy
Playing the guitar!
What we miss:
1) The people
2) The landscape
3) The weather (but not the rain!)
4) Chapati
5) Cheap coffees
6) Alba's food and gelato
7) Being able to walk almost anywhere
8) Hopping on a boda to get anywhere in 5 minutes or less
9) The simplicity of everyday life
10) Being a complete family all day, every day
What we don't miss:
1) Cold showers
2) Sleeping in the same room as our boys
3) Whispering from 8pm until we go to bed :)
4) Carrying our boys everywhere
5) The smell of burning plastic/trash
6) Bugs, cockroaches, rats, ants (in my toothbrush! yuck!)
7) Constantly feeling dirty
8) The slllooooowwwww internet
9) Sleeping under a mosquito net
10) Never knowing if the power (most importantly our fan!) is going to be on
Thank you all for your continued love and support. We are so blessed by each of you, and we can't wait to share all these new firsts in our boys's lives!
We love you!