Loooonnnggg Overdue!
Hi friends,
Let me start by apologizing for the long delay in writing. I really had no idea how much time had gone by until recently, and man is time just flying. Where to even begin? Monday, June 13th was 7 months home, which blows my mind. Some days I feel like it's been much longer, but time can be elusive like that, can't it? Anyway, we have been settling in...better. I wouldn't say well or great or fabulous, but better seems appropriate. I will say in the last month or so, life is beginning to feel more "normal", or at least this new normal, and we are working hard to have extra doses of patience, compassion, and creativity! :) We continue to sort through all sorts of emotions, tantrums, fears, and triggers, but the deeper we get, the better we understand. While understanding doesn't always make it easier, it does allow more compassion which is essential for the day to day. My heart often breaks for the fears they express or things that have happened in their past, but I know that God is the ultimate healer, and my boys are not forgotten in that.
So below I will give some updates on each member and go from there. I will try to make it concise, but I don't make any promises :)
Paul recently left his job and has switched to working for the University of Virginia as an Energy Engineer. We are so excited for this opportunity, as it will allow Paul to work a typical 40 hour week (rather than the 50-60+ hours he was typically working). While the transition was a bit nerve-racking and definitely bittersweet, our family has already reaped the benefits of his presence in the few weeks since he's started. God is good.
Paul has been a BOSS at being a dad, and I can't imagine going through this transition with anyone but him. He is so attentive, fun and patient with the boys, and they LOVE having time with him. He is such a great role-model for them, and his trust in God only gives them more security. While it has definitely been an adjustment for both of us, we have worked hard to still incorporate things that we love into our routine, and the boys have enjoyed watching daddy play soccer throughout the Spring and now into the Summer. It's definitely been a challenge to find some quality time together, especially since our kiddos have a lot of needs, but this journey has only brought us closer together and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's see, where to start with me? I have been an emotional roller coaster over the last few months, but life is becoming more at ease and less stressful overall. Since my last update, I have gone back to work 3 days a week for 4 hour shifts, just while the boys are at pre-school. It has been good to feel good at something again, as well as have some more consistent adult interaction. With this change, Paul has started dropping the boys off at pre-school in the morning, which has given me some freedom to start exercising again and not feeling like I'm the sole caregiver everyday. It's been a welcome change and definitely leaves more patience in me for the rest of the day :)
One of the most difficult parts of life for me right now is the constant inconsistency of the boys. Will they sleep tonight or won't they? Will Sebastian have a nightmare? Will Jordan have a horrible drop-off at school? Will they get a bad report from their teacher? What will be a trigger today? How many tantrums will happen? and the list goes on... I am such a planner and type A personality, and it's been SO HARD to have to let that go on a daily basis. I often find myself taking on their anxieties and difficulties which then only compounds my own emotions. When they don't sleep, I don't sleep and I end up fighting tears due to frustration and sheer exhaustion. I'm praying so fervently for freedom from whatever is keeping them from sleeping, but it can't come soon enough! While some of the stuff they do is "normal" kid stuff, so much of their actions and words are a result of their trauma and fear, which makes a small situation a big one more often than not. It's been hard to find compassion for things that seem silly or inconsequential, but I'm realizing that part of their healing is knowing I will be there no matter what...and even if I'm exhausted, the consistency of a mom (and dad) is the only thing that matters...so every day is onward and upward! Another tough part for me is the hiatus of relationship that has happened over the last year. Because our lives have been turned upside-down with the consumption of our boys, I have really missed people just coming over for dinner, stopping in, inviting us places, etc. I have been working hard to add that element back into my weekly agenda, but I'm realizing that once you have kiddos, getting together with people who don't have kiddos becomes much more difficult. Regardless, I have worked hard to have people in our home on a regular basis, and am looking forward to friendships getting back to a regular thing. I am still taking life on a week to week basis, and am working hard to give myself as much grace as I give them. I expect perfection from myself all too often, and that my friends is a recipe for disaster! So as we continue to plough through this first year, I continue to trust God with everything, and know that He's got us covered.
As a family, we've also joined a local program called International Neighbors, which pairs you with a local refugee family to help along. We were matched with a family from Afghanistan with 7 children. Their story is difficult and heartbreaking, but we've made a lot of progress in many areas and each week is a new adventure! When we first met them the father was here with 4 of the children, and the mom was still in Afghanistan with the other 3 children. The mom has since arrived in the U.S. with their 15 month old baby, but the other 2 children are still behind in Afghanistan. It's been such a challenge for them! We have done everything from babysitting the kids, taking them out for play dates, and giving them lots of extra love to bringing dinner, driving them to appointments, making appointments, cleaning their house, walking them through health insurance and the likes! It's been a bit crazy, but so fulfilling. God has definitely used them to give us a new perspective on life, as well as allow our boys a chance to serve someone else in a tangible way. We want Sebastian and Jordan to understand and know the benefit of loving other people well, and spending time at this family's house has done just that. They have had to learn to share, to give away their clothes and toys, to be flexible and to love a family who's not like us. It's been awesome. I am constantly trying to find new ways to love them better, and I know God is doing big things in all of our hearts. (I told you I made no promises on keeping this short!)
So now onto the boys!
Sebastian is doing SO well overall. I can't tell you how much this little one has changed since bringing him home. While he's always been emotional and a bit mischievous, he has settled into a good routine and looks forward to every new day. He is extroverted, smart, kind and extremely observant. He is excelling in school, and loves to learn new things. He LOVES cars and can name about 20 different car makes just by their symbols or letters. He wishes he was an adult yesterday and knows you need to be 16 to drive :) We often find him helping Jordan with things and looking out for him when mommy and daddy aren't around. He still has difficulty with processing emotions, and often needs a lot of TLC to curb the tears, but I'm SO proud of the progress he's made. He is still working on changing his mentality of having things and still often hoards anything he can get his hands on. For example, we find rocks, garbage, toys, old stickers, old shoe boxes and so much more all stuffed into his backpack or in his room. We are often having the conversations of what things we keep and what things we throw away, but it's getting a little better :) Another big issue we are working through with him is nightmares. He can't often verbalize what he saw or what scared him but many nights a week I hear his feet pounding down the hall. I typically rock him until he settles down and then lay with him in his bed until he's back to sleep. It's been getting a little worse of recent, so we are asking God to give him peace. In the night I pray over him and remind him that he's safe. He is definitely a feeler in every sense of the word, so I know we've got our hands full for his teenage years! :)
Jordan. Where to begin? Jordan is sweet, kind, tender-hearted and such a baby still. He says the funniest phrases and sentences and we often find ourselves holding back laughter at his adamancy. He gives the tightest hugs and kisses to us, and loves to fly in the air with his daddy. He LOVES to play with cars, trucks, tractors of any kind, and is becoming a pro on his bike! He is getting better with school and has begun to enjoy learning some new things. He can be stubborn and loud, but also just wants love most of the day. We can't imagine our lives without him! Since coming home, we have been working through a million medical appointments and are now onto his 7th specialist. I have been the sole organizer, driver, and advocator for him, and it's been, well, just mentally exhausting. After the first round of evaluation, we have found Jordan to be between 2-3 years old, but often plays at an 18 month old level. He has global delays in many areas, but we are working on catching him up! When we first got our sweet boy, he was almost non-verbal and now he's asking questions, speaking in sentences, and showing us his feisty side! It's been amazing to see him start to come out of his shell, but with that also comes the heartbreak of him vocalizing his fears and past wounds. We are constantly reassuring him of his safety, and when I say constantly, I mean it. He has so much anxiety and so many fears, and it's taken a lot of desensitization to get him mildly better in these areas. We are currently taking him weekly to a behavioral counselor/therapist who has been doing a great job giving us some tangible ideas on how best to help him. We are trying so many different things on a weekly basis, and are truly just reaching out to God to guide us. In addition to the fear and anxiety, Jordan has so many sensory needs and he is CONSTANTLY trying to regulate himself. This part of our day is so difficult on us as parents. We are so often doing everything we know to do, yet nothing seems to help him...even in that moment. We do a routine of rocking, vibration, brushing, swaddling, bottle feeding, snuggling, compression, weighted blankets, holding and the list goes on. I often feel I'm giving all I got, and by the time evening comes, I'm spent. Additionally, his sleeping still stinks. I mean stinks. We had a short period of time where things were getting better, but now I feel like we're back to the beginning. Jordan goes to sleep fairly well with cutting out naps and adding melatonin, but he then typically wakes up between 1-2am, and can be up for 3+ hours. This isn't every night, but it's been 3-4 times a week for the last month or so, and I am unfortunately getting to the end of my rope. For example, last night he was up at 2am, and after Paul and I took shifts, I finally got him to sleep at 5:30am, leaving just enough time for me to get dressed and go to work. During this awake time, he's talking, jumping, yelling, banging and literally doing headstands at times. He is AWAKE, which means we are AWAKE. There is no just laying in bed with him until he goes back to sleep. It often gets to the point where I have to lay most of my weight on him and hold his eyelids shut. I know that sounds terrible (don't call CPS on me!), but it's the plain, old truth. We are truly at a loss in this area, and as much as we don't want to medicate him, we may have to go that route until he can learn to sleep on his own. This is all complicated by the many medical issues we are also working through, but we are praying that we will have more answers by the Fall. Please continue to believe with us for his healing and for answers. I can't tell you how helpless and useless I feel on a regular basis trying to comfort him, which pretty much sucks as a mom. At this point, I just have to trust God. I know that seems to be the theme in this post, but it's the only thing I can do. God is so faithful, and I know He will sustain us during this crazy transition.
Well, there you have it! An in-depth, quite lengthy update that I promised would be short :) While so much of this sounds crazy and overwhelming (because it is!), I want you to know how BLESSED we are by these boys. There have been countless times that Paul and I have looked at each other while the boys are riding bikes or we're all watching a movie, and just been overwhelmed with love for our little tribe. They have given us such a larger perspective of unconditional love, and we are better people because they are in our lives. This journey has been so difficult in so many areas, but God had these boys hand-picked for us, and we could never imagine life without them. Adoption is a beautiful portrait of God's love for his children, but again, these boys come from tremendous loss and trauma and I never want people to forget that. They were definitely destined for our family before they were conceived, but this means they lost their first family which will be something they have to work through in their own hearts and minds. God is the ultimate healer and I know He has big plans for our little ones.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayer. While time does make things better, we are still often struggling through, and your love and support is more valuable than you could ever know. Thank you for standing by us <3
We love yous!
Let me start by apologizing for the long delay in writing. I really had no idea how much time had gone by until recently, and man is time just flying. Where to even begin? Monday, June 13th was 7 months home, which blows my mind. Some days I feel like it's been much longer, but time can be elusive like that, can't it? Anyway, we have been settling in...better. I wouldn't say well or great or fabulous, but better seems appropriate. I will say in the last month or so, life is beginning to feel more "normal", or at least this new normal, and we are working hard to have extra doses of patience, compassion, and creativity! :) We continue to sort through all sorts of emotions, tantrums, fears, and triggers, but the deeper we get, the better we understand. While understanding doesn't always make it easier, it does allow more compassion which is essential for the day to day. My heart often breaks for the fears they express or things that have happened in their past, but I know that God is the ultimate healer, and my boys are not forgotten in that.
So below I will give some updates on each member and go from there. I will try to make it concise, but I don't make any promises :)
Paul recently left his job and has switched to working for the University of Virginia as an Energy Engineer. We are so excited for this opportunity, as it will allow Paul to work a typical 40 hour week (rather than the 50-60+ hours he was typically working). While the transition was a bit nerve-racking and definitely bittersweet, our family has already reaped the benefits of his presence in the few weeks since he's started. God is good.
Paul has been a BOSS at being a dad, and I can't imagine going through this transition with anyone but him. He is so attentive, fun and patient with the boys, and they LOVE having time with him. He is such a great role-model for them, and his trust in God only gives them more security. While it has definitely been an adjustment for both of us, we have worked hard to still incorporate things that we love into our routine, and the boys have enjoyed watching daddy play soccer throughout the Spring and now into the Summer. It's definitely been a challenge to find some quality time together, especially since our kiddos have a lot of needs, but this journey has only brought us closer together and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's see, where to start with me? I have been an emotional roller coaster over the last few months, but life is becoming more at ease and less stressful overall. Since my last update, I have gone back to work 3 days a week for 4 hour shifts, just while the boys are at pre-school. It has been good to feel good at something again, as well as have some more consistent adult interaction. With this change, Paul has started dropping the boys off at pre-school in the morning, which has given me some freedom to start exercising again and not feeling like I'm the sole caregiver everyday. It's been a welcome change and definitely leaves more patience in me for the rest of the day :)
One of the most difficult parts of life for me right now is the constant inconsistency of the boys. Will they sleep tonight or won't they? Will Sebastian have a nightmare? Will Jordan have a horrible drop-off at school? Will they get a bad report from their teacher? What will be a trigger today? How many tantrums will happen? and the list goes on... I am such a planner and type A personality, and it's been SO HARD to have to let that go on a daily basis. I often find myself taking on their anxieties and difficulties which then only compounds my own emotions. When they don't sleep, I don't sleep and I end up fighting tears due to frustration and sheer exhaustion. I'm praying so fervently for freedom from whatever is keeping them from sleeping, but it can't come soon enough! While some of the stuff they do is "normal" kid stuff, so much of their actions and words are a result of their trauma and fear, which makes a small situation a big one more often than not. It's been hard to find compassion for things that seem silly or inconsequential, but I'm realizing that part of their healing is knowing I will be there no matter what...and even if I'm exhausted, the consistency of a mom (and dad) is the only thing that matters...so every day is onward and upward! Another tough part for me is the hiatus of relationship that has happened over the last year. Because our lives have been turned upside-down with the consumption of our boys, I have really missed people just coming over for dinner, stopping in, inviting us places, etc. I have been working hard to add that element back into my weekly agenda, but I'm realizing that once you have kiddos, getting together with people who don't have kiddos becomes much more difficult. Regardless, I have worked hard to have people in our home on a regular basis, and am looking forward to friendships getting back to a regular thing. I am still taking life on a week to week basis, and am working hard to give myself as much grace as I give them. I expect perfection from myself all too often, and that my friends is a recipe for disaster! So as we continue to plough through this first year, I continue to trust God with everything, and know that He's got us covered.
As a family, we've also joined a local program called International Neighbors, which pairs you with a local refugee family to help along. We were matched with a family from Afghanistan with 7 children. Their story is difficult and heartbreaking, but we've made a lot of progress in many areas and each week is a new adventure! When we first met them the father was here with 4 of the children, and the mom was still in Afghanistan with the other 3 children. The mom has since arrived in the U.S. with their 15 month old baby, but the other 2 children are still behind in Afghanistan. It's been such a challenge for them! We have done everything from babysitting the kids, taking them out for play dates, and giving them lots of extra love to bringing dinner, driving them to appointments, making appointments, cleaning their house, walking them through health insurance and the likes! It's been a bit crazy, but so fulfilling. God has definitely used them to give us a new perspective on life, as well as allow our boys a chance to serve someone else in a tangible way. We want Sebastian and Jordan to understand and know the benefit of loving other people well, and spending time at this family's house has done just that. They have had to learn to share, to give away their clothes and toys, to be flexible and to love a family who's not like us. It's been awesome. I am constantly trying to find new ways to love them better, and I know God is doing big things in all of our hearts. (I told you I made no promises on keeping this short!)
So now onto the boys!
Sebastian is doing SO well overall. I can't tell you how much this little one has changed since bringing him home. While he's always been emotional and a bit mischievous, he has settled into a good routine and looks forward to every new day. He is extroverted, smart, kind and extremely observant. He is excelling in school, and loves to learn new things. He LOVES cars and can name about 20 different car makes just by their symbols or letters. He wishes he was an adult yesterday and knows you need to be 16 to drive :) We often find him helping Jordan with things and looking out for him when mommy and daddy aren't around. He still has difficulty with processing emotions, and often needs a lot of TLC to curb the tears, but I'm SO proud of the progress he's made. He is still working on changing his mentality of having things and still often hoards anything he can get his hands on. For example, we find rocks, garbage, toys, old stickers, old shoe boxes and so much more all stuffed into his backpack or in his room. We are often having the conversations of what things we keep and what things we throw away, but it's getting a little better :) Another big issue we are working through with him is nightmares. He can't often verbalize what he saw or what scared him but many nights a week I hear his feet pounding down the hall. I typically rock him until he settles down and then lay with him in his bed until he's back to sleep. It's been getting a little worse of recent, so we are asking God to give him peace. In the night I pray over him and remind him that he's safe. He is definitely a feeler in every sense of the word, so I know we've got our hands full for his teenage years! :)
Jordan. Where to begin? Jordan is sweet, kind, tender-hearted and such a baby still. He says the funniest phrases and sentences and we often find ourselves holding back laughter at his adamancy. He gives the tightest hugs and kisses to us, and loves to fly in the air with his daddy. He LOVES to play with cars, trucks, tractors of any kind, and is becoming a pro on his bike! He is getting better with school and has begun to enjoy learning some new things. He can be stubborn and loud, but also just wants love most of the day. We can't imagine our lives without him! Since coming home, we have been working through a million medical appointments and are now onto his 7th specialist. I have been the sole organizer, driver, and advocator for him, and it's been, well, just mentally exhausting. After the first round of evaluation, we have found Jordan to be between 2-3 years old, but often plays at an 18 month old level. He has global delays in many areas, but we are working on catching him up! When we first got our sweet boy, he was almost non-verbal and now he's asking questions, speaking in sentences, and showing us his feisty side! It's been amazing to see him start to come out of his shell, but with that also comes the heartbreak of him vocalizing his fears and past wounds. We are constantly reassuring him of his safety, and when I say constantly, I mean it. He has so much anxiety and so many fears, and it's taken a lot of desensitization to get him mildly better in these areas. We are currently taking him weekly to a behavioral counselor/therapist who has been doing a great job giving us some tangible ideas on how best to help him. We are trying so many different things on a weekly basis, and are truly just reaching out to God to guide us. In addition to the fear and anxiety, Jordan has so many sensory needs and he is CONSTANTLY trying to regulate himself. This part of our day is so difficult on us as parents. We are so often doing everything we know to do, yet nothing seems to help him...even in that moment. We do a routine of rocking, vibration, brushing, swaddling, bottle feeding, snuggling, compression, weighted blankets, holding and the list goes on. I often feel I'm giving all I got, and by the time evening comes, I'm spent. Additionally, his sleeping still stinks. I mean stinks. We had a short period of time where things were getting better, but now I feel like we're back to the beginning. Jordan goes to sleep fairly well with cutting out naps and adding melatonin, but he then typically wakes up between 1-2am, and can be up for 3+ hours. This isn't every night, but it's been 3-4 times a week for the last month or so, and I am unfortunately getting to the end of my rope. For example, last night he was up at 2am, and after Paul and I took shifts, I finally got him to sleep at 5:30am, leaving just enough time for me to get dressed and go to work. During this awake time, he's talking, jumping, yelling, banging and literally doing headstands at times. He is AWAKE, which means we are AWAKE. There is no just laying in bed with him until he goes back to sleep. It often gets to the point where I have to lay most of my weight on him and hold his eyelids shut. I know that sounds terrible (don't call CPS on me!), but it's the plain, old truth. We are truly at a loss in this area, and as much as we don't want to medicate him, we may have to go that route until he can learn to sleep on his own. This is all complicated by the many medical issues we are also working through, but we are praying that we will have more answers by the Fall. Please continue to believe with us for his healing and for answers. I can't tell you how helpless and useless I feel on a regular basis trying to comfort him, which pretty much sucks as a mom. At this point, I just have to trust God. I know that seems to be the theme in this post, but it's the only thing I can do. God is so faithful, and I know He will sustain us during this crazy transition.
Well, there you have it! An in-depth, quite lengthy update that I promised would be short :) While so much of this sounds crazy and overwhelming (because it is!), I want you to know how BLESSED we are by these boys. There have been countless times that Paul and I have looked at each other while the boys are riding bikes or we're all watching a movie, and just been overwhelmed with love for our little tribe. They have given us such a larger perspective of unconditional love, and we are better people because they are in our lives. This journey has been so difficult in so many areas, but God had these boys hand-picked for us, and we could never imagine life without them. Adoption is a beautiful portrait of God's love for his children, but again, these boys come from tremendous loss and trauma and I never want people to forget that. They were definitely destined for our family before they were conceived, but this means they lost their first family which will be something they have to work through in their own hearts and minds. God is the ultimate healer and I know He has big plans for our little ones.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayer. While time does make things better, we are still often struggling through, and your love and support is more valuable than you could ever know. Thank you for standing by us <3
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| First Haircut Before! |
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| First Haircut After! |
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| Coloring Easter Eggs! |
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| Easter |
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| Easter Silly Faces! |
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| First Egg Find! |
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| He was "SO CACITED!" |
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| "Jaja (grandpa) Sebastian" |
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| Jordan's First Dentist Appointment |
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| New Bike Helmets! |
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| Attempting to eat outside...Jordan was really enthused by the sun! :) |
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| At the park with our International Neighbors! |
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| At the Truck Touch! |
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| He lost his first tooth! |
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| School Fun! |
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| School Silly Face |
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| School Silly Face! |
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| Working hard at school! |
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| Brothers looking out for each other at the Splash Park |
We love yous!