Week 3...Ups & Downs

We just finished our 3rd week here in Uganda and although fairly uneventful there were 2 big changes. 1) We got our verbal YES for both boys!! 2) this was the first week we really started to feel the weight of it all. Nothing terrible or crazy, but just a steady increase of emotion in many different areas.

We have been with the boys every day for 6-7 hours, but it's been difficult to see new issues emerge. The "novelty" of us has worn off (although they still come sprinting to us everyday when we arrive and never want us to go!), and we're beginning to see the challenges of the emotional trauma, neglect and rejection they've endured over the years. Don't get me wrong though, every day is a new milestone, every day we see them grow and remember new things, every day we see them trust us a little more, but when there's harder things they need to work through, we see the pain come out. We've spent a lot more time praying this week and interceding over their lives, but when we're also feeling emotionally spent, we have to be very intentional about making prayer a priority. The boys both have difficulties processing emotional and physical pain. Paul and I have been working very hard to help them understand our commitment to them, but when they're used to having no one come when they cry or no one care when they're hurt, it's hard to crack the shell. We've realized their orphanage is truly survival of the fittest. If they want something they take it, if someone gets hurt no one comes to help, if they're hungry they eat whatever they find on the ground until it's mealtime and if they have something that's theirs they will defend it as if their life depended on it. I can't imagine having to take care of myself at 3 years old and subconsciously feeling the weight of that everyday, but little by little they are realizing that we will be there to take care of them, and the consistency of our presence is beginning to make an impact. They are slowly beginning to make eye contact with us when they are crying or upset, they are slowly starting to let us in a little when they are upset, and they are realizing that when a shoe falls off we will get it for them and give it back (this used to be a 10 minute meltdown of big, huge, crocodile tears!). Food is still a big issue, especially for little J and it takes a lot of reassurance that they WILL get their snack when we arrive at our next location. We've been fighting the urge to just give it to them when they get upset in hopes that they will realize that what we tell them, we mean. We are not just saying empty words and giving empty promises, but we love them and we want them to be safe and nurtured -- slowly but surely this is happening, but we know we still have a long way to go. We've realized that how we are pursuing their hearts and trying to win them over is exactly what God does for us, and we have been so humbled by the thoughts of His unconditional love for us. Whenever we find ourselves getting frustrated or feeling like we're failing as parents, we try to take a breath and remember that God loves us and J&L more than anything and He's got us covered. Every day is a learning process, and every day we are fighting against years of ingrained rejection and survival skills, but God is redeeming their lives and we feel so blessed to be chosen as their mom and dad. For real guys. WE are the ones who are blessed.

This week in general was fairly uneventful (besides our rulings of course!), but we've been trying to be creative with activities :) On Monday we spent the morning and afternoon at our friend's house on the lake, letting the boys run and play with their kiddos and chickens. It's a safe place for all of us and it's nice to allow the boys to get some of their energy out where we know they won't get hurt. On Monday night we went to a "nice" dinner at the Jinja Sailing Club as a special goodbye for one of the families. They have been here 4 months working on their adoption and they are finally going home! It was a beautiful evening with a beautiful backdrop, and it was nice to celebrate their family and their journey.

On Tuesday, we decided to have a little family time and we carried the boys on our backs downtown to run some errands and then for a long walk by the lake. The boys really enjoy being carried, and besides the ridiculous amount of sweat on all of us at the end, we enjoy it too :) The boys are usually fairly outgoing, but today they were very shy. Whenever someone tried to take their hand or talk to them, they nestled into us and the carrier and basked in our protection. It was a new side of them we hadn't seen and it made Paul and I feel so encouraged by their progress and trust in us. After we dropped them off for lunch, the 4 of us adoptive mommas went for a walk to Katie Davis' house (go read Kisses from Katie if you haven't yet!) to buy some jewelry and meet her family (she's fostered/adopted 13 girls in Uganda ranging from age 7-18). It was incredible to see the life she's built in this country and all the hard work she's put in to create her ministry called, Amazima. I was so encouraged by her outlook and faith and it was a very refreshing time for all of us. We hope to be able to head back their at some point soon. On Tuesday afternoon we took them for a long walk off the beaten path and let them get out and walk a bit. L loves to help Paul push the stroller, and it was sweet to see him working so hard on the terrible craters we're walking through :) They have rarely been outside the orphanage except for church, and they love having so much to see. Here is a short video of their excitement for "motocars and triangles!!"

L working hard to push J :)

On Wednesday we went out for Breakfast with all the families to say goodbye to The Orest's. It was nice to share some last minute hugs, prayers and insights and it was encouraging for us to see the excitement as they prepared to head home. On Wednesday morning we stayed for worship and Bible study time at the orphanage and let the boys show us their moves :) From there we went again for a long walk near the golf course (to which we've seen maybe one person ever golfing) and the boys were quite content with the new scenery :) On Wednesday afternoon, the Orest's came to the orphanage for their kids goodbye party and it was amazing to see the transformation in them. As their little ones stood there and let all the other kids sing goodbye to them, they were so well-behaved and calm and we all cried tears of joy at the light in their eyes and the joy in their hearts. We said our goodbyes to all of them around 4:30 and off they went to the airport. We were so happy for them, but it was definitely a tearful goodbye! When they were leaving, we had a brief conversation with L about where they were going (he is ALWAYS so inquisitive and wanting to learn about everything), so we told him they were going to America. Of course he then asked if he could go to America and I briefly explained that yes, we would all be going, but after we gathered a lot of papers. Needless to say he was SO EXCITED and the rest of the day kept telling every adult, "I am going to America!!" Look out Charlottesville, he's coming for you! ;)

Walk past the golf course

Everyone getting out to stretch their legs :)

Zarie, Benja and Jelena ready to go home!

Thursday I wasn't feeling so great (just extra tired and achy with lots of blisters on my feet) and I was definitely dragging most of the morning. We stayed at the orphanage for worship, but then took the boys to the Jinja Sailing Club to play on the playground. They were fairly unimpressed this time around and we only stayed about 45 minutes before heading back for their lunch. J was having a hard morning with us, so it was good we only stayed for a bit as I knew he was ready to go back. I took a long nap during our mid-day break and it was a much needed time of rest. I felt a bit better in the afternoon, but was still just having a hard time keeping up. In the afternoon we decided to run some errands with the boys, so we packed them in the stroller and then headed downtown. We were able to get some good meat and bread (rare to come by consistently!) from a local store, and we stocked up before walking back to our place to put everything in the fridge/freezer. The boys have not been to our guest house yet, but they were stoked at the new scenery and even more excited about all the baby goats and cows roaming around on our road :)

Cow crossing :)

Friday was a bit odd and despite our good intentions to take the boys for an activity, we ended up back downtown for an iced coffee around mid-morning :) We let the boys eat their snack while out and about on the road, and they were loving having the freedom to eat AND view all their favorite things. We've spent a lot more time at the orphanage this week and we're quickly realizing how hard it is to spend any quality time with the boys while we're there. At the same time it's been hard trying to figure out something concrete to do everyday, especially while trying to be sensitive to the boys needs and already walking about 10 miles/day. Once the boys are with us full-time we plan to take them swimming and do some other outdoorsy things, but we're hesitant to do that until we have a little more trust under our belts and the boys are more consistent with their routine. Friday afternoon we got back to the orphanage around 4:00 just in time to hear about our rulings!!!! It was bittersweet as one of the other families got discouraging news, so even though we wanted to celebrate, we we're trying to be sensitive to their difficulties during this time. Paul and I were SO elated, yet it still felt so surreal! Once we heard the good news, we didn't want to stay at the orphanage so we took a new route and checked out a couple places to take the boys swimming in the next couple weeks. We dropped them back off at 6 and then headed to dinner with the other couple (Mitch and Lindsey) to celebrate and decompress :)

Family of 4!!!!

Snackmobile!

Celebrating our verbal rulings with ice cream under our mosquito net <3

Saturday was SO hot, but we braved the weather and walked to Heal Ministries. They are a local non-profit that empowers vulnerable, abandoned women and children, using Christ centered programs, that teach sustainability and family preservation. The women in their program make and sell pottery, jewelry, rugs and artwork which gives them money for food and shelter, and includes babysitting at the facility so their children are safe and take care of. They do beautiful work and it was a privilege to meet these beautiful women and support their cause. Additionally, they have a playground for the kids to play on which was a great distraction while I shopped :) The boys played on tires that look like bodas (motorcycles), in the sandbox, in the tree house and everywhere else they could see. It was a great time for all of us and we enjoyed hearing about their ministry while we were there. We also got some really beautiful pieces of jewelry and I will be sure to go back for gifts in the next couple weeks! Saturday afternoon Paul headed down to the local market to get some fruit (our boys can pound some bananas!), and we also got some fresh groceries to tide us over until next week. We've been trying to be as frugal as we can but it's been hard to stay consistent with food, especially when things go bad so quickly! After a short rest and lunch, we headed back to the orphanage and loaded the boys up for a walk. They have loved seeing their country in a new light and it's been fun to see their reactions to animals, cars and just the landscape in general. They are always SO excited to show us something and it's encouraging for us to see them learning and growing in new ways.

Walking to Heal Ministries

J on the swings!

Driving their Bodas!

Sandbox fun! They LOVED this!

Sunday morning was a nice change of pace and we were able to see our Ugandan friend Emmanuel again! He drove to Jinja to see us in the morning and we enjoyed a nice breakfast together before heading to the orphanage so he could meet our boys! They were a bit shy initially, but soon warmed up to him and I got some sweet pictures of them together :) He was definitely smitten with them and next time he comes we hope to spend more time all together. At 10:00am the boys went to church with the orphanage and we headed to church of our own. Paul was not feeling well so I headed to church with the other couple, Mitch and Lindsey. We went to Acacia Community Church, which was a bit outside the Jinja City Center, and we LOVED it! It was an awesome experience and we were able to connect with local families, both Ugandan and American. After trying 3 different churches, I think we will make Acacia our home church. It was a great mix of cultures and we enjoyed the outdoor atmosphere and worshiping with the beautiful people of Uganda. Sunday afternoon I headed to the orphanage solo as Paul was still recovering and decided just to stay at the orphanage as it's too hard to wrangle the boys on my own outside. They did pretty well, but were definitely missing their dad being around. Overall it was a very enjoyable day, but please pray that Paul continues to feel better!!

Acacia Community Church

We continue to enjoy our time here in Uganda and if we're being honest it's been a better experience so far than we imagined. That's not saying we don't have daily struggles or obstacles to tackle, but all in all we're enjoying getting to know this country, these beautiful people and of course our awesome little boys :) We still have a long way to go in the process, but we are confident that no matter what happens this is where we're supposed to be in this season of our lives and we will do whatever we can to make the best of it and enjoy every day to the fullest.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, your support, your kindness and your financial support. We have been humbled so much by this process, and we know that without God and all of you, this truly wouldn't be possible. We love you all so much and we look forward to hearing from you soon!

xoxo,