Week 4...Progress
So this week was good and hard in many regards. As I've said before, everyday is a learning process and even when we see huge strides in one day, the next day could have large areas of regression. We try very hard to take it day by day and not let one difficult day affect the rest, but often that's much easier said than done.
This week was a milestone as we started bringing the boys to our guest house in the afternoons. This was very exciting for them, but they definitely needed the first couple days to figure things out. L seemed to jump right in, and has told us everyday this week, "Mummy, I want to sleep 'ere!" He understands so well that this will be his new "home" and is ready to begin that chapter! L takes everything in and once we tell him something, he's sold :) We keep informing him that he won't be able to sleep at our house until we get the paper from the Judge... so everyday when we're leaving to go back to the orphanage he tells everyone, "Paper on the Judge...we are going sleep 'ere!" It's precious. For as tough as he is, L is definitely a tender heart and enjoys all the attention he's getting from us :)
J still has a lot of wary moments, and even when he starts feeling comfortable, the next moment he could be backing away from something showing pure fear on his face. Although J is 4, he has the developmental/emotional capacity more of a 2-2.5 year old, and it's been hard to figure out what he needs in those moments of anxiety, especially since he doesn't speak English very well. We have definitely made huge strides in the trust department and he has made fair progress on all other fronts, but he has many coping mechanisms that we are still trying to work through, and Paul and I often feel at a loss when we don't know exactly how to help him. This was the first week I had many emotional moments...wanting to cry for no reason and feeling like a terrible mom that I can't soothe my own son. I know the communication will get better and better once they're with us full time (and L helps translate for us occasionally!), but it's been much more difficult to decipher when J gets into his "fight or flight" mode. From all our education, we've learned that there's no point to try to correct behavior or discipline when these little tikes are in that state because they won't respond...all they can focus on is how to get through the fear or anxiety they are currently feeling. Paul and I have often had to take turns to help maintain a calm demeanor, and J seems to be responding well to our intentional care of him.
We have been able to spend more 1 on 1 time with J this week, as L has been going to "school" in the mornings. We thought initially we would pull L out to spend more time with us, but since we've been having a much harder time with J, we decided to leave L in school and take the time to work with J in a less stimulating/calmer environment. Activity wise, this week has been pretty monotonous as we've been trying to do predictable things that J is more comfortable with, but it's been a good bonding experience for the 3 of us. Every morning we've been taking J for a walk then going to a "park" (really a big field with trees and lots of cow poop everywhere!) or to a coffee shop where we can sit in a quiet room with him. We've been working on colors, shapes, numbers, matching, etc, which he seems to be enjoying overall. He has a very short attention span and when he gets frustrated he can get aggressive. We've been working very hard on this all week, and we're hoping as he gains more trust and understanding he will continue to have more feelings of safety and less need for reaction. Overall, he is doing very well with our mornings together, but there is still a lot of work to be done and we praying fervently on his behalf. We are continually asking God for wisdom on how best to get through to him, and despite our feelings of frustration or lack, we know we are making steady progress... it's just hard to see when you're in it everyday.
In the afternoons, we've been picking up both boys and taking them to our guest house. We've been trying to acclimate them slowly to the new environment and pointing out essentials like their bed, the bathroom, food, etc, so they will have more of a felt comfort when we take them full time. Typically we play inside for a bit before heading outside to do bubbles, play soccer or read books. Each day has been a little better for them, and we hope next week they will continue to adjust. We did get to see some monkeys nearby this week and the boys LOVED it! They could've watched the monkeys all day with no interruption! They were so excited to see them leap from tree to tree and we hope we are able to have more times like this before we head home.
We had a good amount of rain this week, so we carried them frequently to avoid the excess mud and puddles that come with the rain. J&L both LOVE to be carried, and it's been fun to see their little personalities come out as they feel more comfortable. L is pretty much always singing on our walks...normally songs we are not familiar with...but we love hearing him sing nonetheless. On our walk the other day he started singing, "Peeaaaannuuuttt, Peanut butter, and Jelly" and Paul and I both cracked up! How does he know that song?! Below is a short clip of him singing on Paul's back...So cute!
We are supposed to be waiting for our written ruling before taking the boys full time, but we are considering trying to get them with us next week if we don't have the ruling yet. It's been confusing for them to go between us and the orphanage daily, and while they feel safe at the orphanage, it's hard to have any consistency of behavior or routine this way. While we are nervous at the prospect of taking them out, we are excited to see the growth that will come, and even more excited to get them into our own family routine. Please keep us in your prayers as we navigate the next couple weeks. We are definitely feeling emotionally drained, but there are so many high points in the day that we are able to keep our eye on the prize :)
On an exciting note, we were told we may be able to apply for our passports with just the court order and not the written ruling!! If this is the case, we would potentially be headed to Kampala (the capital) on Monday to go for our passport interviews!! This is a HUGE bump up in our timeline and we are believing things will go smoothly...although we are trying not to get our hopes up. As of Thursday, we submitted our applications to the passport office and are just waiting for confirmation of appointment time. We were told to still expect 2-3 weeks until we would be able to pick up the passports after our interview, but we didn't anticipate even applying for at least another 1-1.5 weeks, so we are pumped! Please pray we have favor with the passport office and whoever we get as our official will be kind, quick and efficient!
The next couple weeks are definitely going to be BIG turning points with the boys and we are continuing to trust God with every hurdle, every emotion and every change. We love them SO SO much and it's been amazing to feel the intensity of our love toward them, even when they have no concept of how much we care. We still have yet to get an unsolicited "I love you", but we know that when we finally do, it will be the best feeling in the world.
As we continue to progress through the process we are still believing for all the funds to come through for our airfare home and our finalization of their adoption in Virginia. Unfortunately in the adoption world, the fees don't stop once we're home, and we need to be able to have lump sums to cover all the costs to complete the adoption in the states (flights home, social work visits, court reports, lawyer fees, etc). If you would be so kind as to share our Go Fund Me link (http://www.gofundme.com/6x9s6sf45d) or consider donating a small amount, we would be forever grateful!! If everyone donated $10, we would easily meet our goal of $5,000!
You guys have SO GRACIOUSLY AND SACRIFICIALLY given towards our adoption time and time again, and we are so incredibly overwhelmed at the way you have loved and supported our family this last year. Thank you does not do justice to how our hearts feel for your generosity towards us. We are SO blessed to have friends and family like you!
Love from Uganda,
This week was a milestone as we started bringing the boys to our guest house in the afternoons. This was very exciting for them, but they definitely needed the first couple days to figure things out. L seemed to jump right in, and has told us everyday this week, "Mummy, I want to sleep 'ere!" He understands so well that this will be his new "home" and is ready to begin that chapter! L takes everything in and once we tell him something, he's sold :) We keep informing him that he won't be able to sleep at our house until we get the paper from the Judge... so everyday when we're leaving to go back to the orphanage he tells everyone, "Paper on the Judge...we are going sleep 'ere!" It's precious. For as tough as he is, L is definitely a tender heart and enjoys all the attention he's getting from us :)
J still has a lot of wary moments, and even when he starts feeling comfortable, the next moment he could be backing away from something showing pure fear on his face. Although J is 4, he has the developmental/emotional capacity more of a 2-2.5 year old, and it's been hard to figure out what he needs in those moments of anxiety, especially since he doesn't speak English very well. We have definitely made huge strides in the trust department and he has made fair progress on all other fronts, but he has many coping mechanisms that we are still trying to work through, and Paul and I often feel at a loss when we don't know exactly how to help him. This was the first week I had many emotional moments...wanting to cry for no reason and feeling like a terrible mom that I can't soothe my own son. I know the communication will get better and better once they're with us full time (and L helps translate for us occasionally!), but it's been much more difficult to decipher when J gets into his "fight or flight" mode. From all our education, we've learned that there's no point to try to correct behavior or discipline when these little tikes are in that state because they won't respond...all they can focus on is how to get through the fear or anxiety they are currently feeling. Paul and I have often had to take turns to help maintain a calm demeanor, and J seems to be responding well to our intentional care of him.
We have been able to spend more 1 on 1 time with J this week, as L has been going to "school" in the mornings. We thought initially we would pull L out to spend more time with us, but since we've been having a much harder time with J, we decided to leave L in school and take the time to work with J in a less stimulating/calmer environment. Activity wise, this week has been pretty monotonous as we've been trying to do predictable things that J is more comfortable with, but it's been a good bonding experience for the 3 of us. Every morning we've been taking J for a walk then going to a "park" (really a big field with trees and lots of cow poop everywhere!) or to a coffee shop where we can sit in a quiet room with him. We've been working on colors, shapes, numbers, matching, etc, which he seems to be enjoying overall. He has a very short attention span and when he gets frustrated he can get aggressive. We've been working very hard on this all week, and we're hoping as he gains more trust and understanding he will continue to have more feelings of safety and less need for reaction. Overall, he is doing very well with our mornings together, but there is still a lot of work to be done and we praying fervently on his behalf. We are continually asking God for wisdom on how best to get through to him, and despite our feelings of frustration or lack, we know we are making steady progress... it's just hard to see when you're in it everyday.
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| Snuggling J before we drop him off for lunch |
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| J housing some water and a banana. Our kids can eat SO MANY BANANAS! |
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| "Shading" with J at the park |
In the afternoons, we've been picking up both boys and taking them to our guest house. We've been trying to acclimate them slowly to the new environment and pointing out essentials like their bed, the bathroom, food, etc, so they will have more of a felt comfort when we take them full time. Typically we play inside for a bit before heading outside to do bubbles, play soccer or read books. Each day has been a little better for them, and we hope next week they will continue to adjust. We did get to see some monkeys nearby this week and the boys LOVED it! They could've watched the monkeys all day with no interruption! They were so excited to see them leap from tree to tree and we hope we are able to have more times like this before we head home.
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| Tickle torture! (J in brown, L in orange) The boys have just been introduced to the art of tickling, and it has been so funny to see them use it against Paul! Some of the other kids have joined in as well! |
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| Monkeys! |
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| Backpack love AND REPRESENT YANKEE BASEBALL <3 We brought little backpacks for the boys (Thank you Mike and Rachelle!) and they pretty mush refuse to take them off. We only give them to them at our apartment, but it's fun to see them love having something of their own! |
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| Just because we thought this was HILARIOUS. Enjoy :) |
We are supposed to be waiting for our written ruling before taking the boys full time, but we are considering trying to get them with us next week if we don't have the ruling yet. It's been confusing for them to go between us and the orphanage daily, and while they feel safe at the orphanage, it's hard to have any consistency of behavior or routine this way. While we are nervous at the prospect of taking them out, we are excited to see the growth that will come, and even more excited to get them into our own family routine. Please keep us in your prayers as we navigate the next couple weeks. We are definitely feeling emotionally drained, but there are so many high points in the day that we are able to keep our eye on the prize :)
On an exciting note, we were told we may be able to apply for our passports with just the court order and not the written ruling!! If this is the case, we would potentially be headed to Kampala (the capital) on Monday to go for our passport interviews!! This is a HUGE bump up in our timeline and we are believing things will go smoothly...although we are trying not to get our hopes up. As of Thursday, we submitted our applications to the passport office and are just waiting for confirmation of appointment time. We were told to still expect 2-3 weeks until we would be able to pick up the passports after our interview, but we didn't anticipate even applying for at least another 1-1.5 weeks, so we are pumped! Please pray we have favor with the passport office and whoever we get as our official will be kind, quick and efficient!
The next couple weeks are definitely going to be BIG turning points with the boys and we are continuing to trust God with every hurdle, every emotion and every change. We love them SO SO much and it's been amazing to feel the intensity of our love toward them, even when they have no concept of how much we care. We still have yet to get an unsolicited "I love you", but we know that when we finally do, it will be the best feeling in the world.
As we continue to progress through the process we are still believing for all the funds to come through for our airfare home and our finalization of their adoption in Virginia. Unfortunately in the adoption world, the fees don't stop once we're home, and we need to be able to have lump sums to cover all the costs to complete the adoption in the states (flights home, social work visits, court reports, lawyer fees, etc). If you would be so kind as to share our Go Fund Me link (http://www.gofundme.com/6x9s6sf45d) or consider donating a small amount, we would be forever grateful!! If everyone donated $10, we would easily meet our goal of $5,000!
You guys have SO GRACIOUSLY AND SACRIFICIALLY given towards our adoption time and time again, and we are so incredibly overwhelmed at the way you have loved and supported our family this last year. Thank you does not do justice to how our hearts feel for your generosity towards us. We are SO blessed to have friends and family like you!
Love from Uganda,