Ch Ch Ch Changes
Hi All,
I want to start by apologizing for the long delay in writing. I promise I had every intention of sitting down to write something sooner, but unfortunately I couldn't get myself to muster up the motivation to do so. It's been quite a whirlwind since we got home from New York for Christmas, and while there's been some great things happening, there has also been some tough stuff, which often leaves me drained. February 13 marked 3 months home, and there has been so much progress made in that short time. Sometimes it feels like we've been home a year and sometimes weeks, but we are learning to navigate the boys needs (and our own!) in more intentional and loving ways. There are a million details I feel like I could type surrounding the boys, but I will try to give you the highlights of what's going on and go from there :)
1) Medical
I have been taking the boys to 2-3 doctor's appointments a week since we got home. While most kids are home playing or doing something fun, I felt like every day we were gearing up for a different doctor. We've seen specialists for a whole slew of things, and it seemed like every time we saw someone else they would again refer us out. While it's been taxing financially and emotionally for all of us, I'm glad we're finally making progress on their health.
One HUGE hurdle is that they are both FINALLY parasite free!!! This was such a terrible process for them and for us, but after a million stool samples (please gag with me here, because it was horrendous!), they finally confirmed that their intestines are free and clear! This is an even bigger victory because they are understanding what it means to be full and are finally able to gain some weight and retain nutrients. We have already seen a change in their ability to express hunger and when they're full which is great for their development.
Sebastian has received all of his first round of vaccinations, which was brutal, but necessary. We will have to go back in 4 months for the second round, but otherwise nothing crazy. He has been to the dentist and received a full physical with a mostly clean bill of health! We weren't really concerned about anything with him, but it's always nice to have it confirmed. He's been a trooper!
Jordan on the other hand has had more going on and we have been all around Charlottesville trying to get everything teased out. He has also received all of his first round vaccinations, been to the audiologist, ENT, urologist, surgical consults, and occupational and speech therapy. He is going to undergo surgery for 2 outpatient procedures on February 22, so if you think of us, please say a prayer for him. I'm more nervous for how he will respond after it's all said and done, but I'm believing for a smooth process and recovery. One of the surgeries is tube placement in his ears which I pray will help a lot with his socialization and speech. He currently has moderate conductive hearing loss and has had fluid on his ears for years. At this stage it takes a lot of effort/physical touch to get/keep his attention and I'm hoping that when he can actually hear again this will help in a lot of different areas. Your prayers are coveted! Jordan has also been going to OT and Speech Therapy 1x/week for the last 6 weeks which has been good, but again I think the gains in hearing will really make a difference in this area too. I would love to be able to take him 2x/week, but since we are paying for this out of pocket, it's not really feasible at this time. Unfortunately, the county and school district won't review Jordan's case for free therapy services until he gets a developmental assessment (which really means they want a diagnosis), but the center for development in our town is so backed up that the earliest appointment we could get was for NOVEMBER. That's right, I said November. I think it's ridiculous how this whole system works, but I'm believing that someone will cancel and they will get us in earlier. Otherwise, it will be a lot of pinching pennies to continue with private services until that time. While no one has given him a diagnosis (and to be honest I don't really care for one!), we believe he has sensory processing disorder and high functioning autism. He exhibits signs for both of these regularly, and it's been a steep learning curve for Paul and I. We work hard with him on social skills, manners, self-soothing techniques and ability to focus on a regular basis, but we still have a long way to go. We are trusting God to help us fill in the gaps! Regardless of it all, we are so taken with both Jordan and Sebastian and it has been such a pleasure to see them grow and flourish under our roof.
2) Pre-School
The boys started pre-school 2 half days a week on February 1. They go on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8:30-12:30 and then come home with me for nap. Sebastian has LOVED going to school and has jumped right in to the classroom setting. He has such a smart little mind, and has really enjoyed a change in the routine and learning new things. He still has trouble engaging with other kids his age regularly, but we give him small tasks (i.e. learn someone's name!) which seems to help him in this area. Jordan on the other hand has had a really difficult time with this transition, and as a result has regressed quite a bit in many areas. He does not like school and really does not like going without his mama! He screams and wails in the same way he did when we dropped him off at the orphanage when we first met him, and it brings up a million different emotions for both of us. I know the abandonment fear is still extremely real for him, and it's evident in our daily conversations. Additionally, he completely isolates himself from the group and refuses to participate in any activities. This has gotten slightly better as he joined the group for play-doh and music last week, but it's still difficult to know he's hurting and I can't be there to help him. I was struggling with the decision to keep him in school, but after talking with a child psychologist who specializes in trauma and childhood crisis, she really encouraged me to stick it out as he really does need to be in school. So even though I often sit in my van and cry after I drop them off, I'm learning to trust God to heal Jordan where I can't and be with him in those times. It's tough and I often don't want to do it, but God can care for my babies WAY better than I can and again I will rest in that.
While the boys have been at school, I've been working hard to find ways to reenergize myself. Since we left for Uganda I haven't really done anything for myself on a regular basis, which has been unhealthy for sure. I'm realizing that I can't be my best self if I'm not taking care of myself, so I've been trying to add in things that give me life during these down times. I've been working out, trying to meet up with friends, and reading, which have all been wonderful changes to the previous routine. It's been hard to change my mentality from where I've been, but it's a welcome change. Here's to healing for all of us!
3) Emotions
All of us have been continuing to sort out all that has come with the adoption. I was recently talking with a friend who we were in Uganda with and we were remarking on how we are often nostalgic for the life we had in Uganda because of the simplicity and pure tenacity that came with that time. Instead of our kids being in fight or flight mode, we were, and it made us feel like we could accomplish anything. However, as you come back home and try to settle into a "normal" life, it just seems impossible at times. I often feel guilty for what my kids are going through and how difficult all of this must be on their little hearts. I know that sounds silly, but it's the truth. Trust me, if their first families could've loved them and cared for them, I would have loved my boys to stay in their culture and heritage. BUT. God chose us as their parents long before they were born, and I try to simply trust Him with their lives and their healing.
One of the hardest things is never knowing what will impact them and how they will respond to it. Jordan had a significant regression in all areas his first week of preschool, and began being aggressive and extremely defiant again. However, now that he's verbal he had more to say, and his words cut me deep. I know they are coming from a place of fear, trauma, and abandonment, but when you're doing all you can to keep these tiny humans alive and kicking, it's hard to add on the emotions of your child telling you they don't like you. Things have gotten better since that first week, but he continues to push back hard at this new stage, and it's taken a lot of intentional love and discipline to see some progress. For every 10 steps back, I have to remind myself of the 100 steps forward, which definitely helps keep things in perspective. Some days I don't think my heart can take much more, but somehow I make it through the day, and with God's grace, I know that trend will only get better.
I was able to attend a local adoption support group which was helpful, but it's still hard to not feel alone in this crazy journey. I often say that we've jumped into a beautiful chaos which often sums it up well for me. I love these two boys more than anything, but it doesn't make the emotion any less intense. We are all learning more about each other each week, and God is really uniting us as a family. We are getting more and more unsolicited "I love yous", more bear hugs, more words to explain their hurts, and more trust that we won't leave them. Every night before bed Paul and I remind the boys that we love them no matter what, that we will never leave them, that they are safe, and that Jesus is with them. In the beginning, we often felt these words were void to them, but it's clear they've taken them to heart and are often repeating back to us these same phrases when they are nervous or scared. It's encouraging to see their vulnerability peek out more regularly, but it's still a constant battle for all of us to stay consistent. Life is all about experiences and loving people, and every time I look into my boys' faces I see Jesus' love for them and I'm reminded why we chose to adopt. God is stretching both Paul and I to new limits and a new normal, and while challenging and emotional, I wouldn't have it any other way.
4) Thank Yous
I wanted to again thank all of our loving friends and family for their support and encouragement. So many of you have brought us meals, loved on our boys, supported us financially, let me cry on your shoulder or took me out for a much needed drink :) All of these acts of love mean more to me than you know and I can't imagine making it through without all of you. I am working toward a time when life feels joyful more than stressful, and all of your contributions help me move in that direction. You guys are great <3
So. A couple things. 1) I promise I will try to write more :) 2) Please continue to pray for our family. While things are getting better and better we still have such a long way to go and we couldn't do this without your prayers.
Enjoy some pics below from the last couple months! Life has been full of new things for them and it's fun to see it through their eyes!
Watching Frozen for the first time with their first cup of hot chocolate!
Love, Love, Love
I want to start by apologizing for the long delay in writing. I promise I had every intention of sitting down to write something sooner, but unfortunately I couldn't get myself to muster up the motivation to do so. It's been quite a whirlwind since we got home from New York for Christmas, and while there's been some great things happening, there has also been some tough stuff, which often leaves me drained. February 13 marked 3 months home, and there has been so much progress made in that short time. Sometimes it feels like we've been home a year and sometimes weeks, but we are learning to navigate the boys needs (and our own!) in more intentional and loving ways. There are a million details I feel like I could type surrounding the boys, but I will try to give you the highlights of what's going on and go from there :)
1) Medical
I have been taking the boys to 2-3 doctor's appointments a week since we got home. While most kids are home playing or doing something fun, I felt like every day we were gearing up for a different doctor. We've seen specialists for a whole slew of things, and it seemed like every time we saw someone else they would again refer us out. While it's been taxing financially and emotionally for all of us, I'm glad we're finally making progress on their health.
One HUGE hurdle is that they are both FINALLY parasite free!!! This was such a terrible process for them and for us, but after a million stool samples (please gag with me here, because it was horrendous!), they finally confirmed that their intestines are free and clear! This is an even bigger victory because they are understanding what it means to be full and are finally able to gain some weight and retain nutrients. We have already seen a change in their ability to express hunger and when they're full which is great for their development.
Sebastian has received all of his first round of vaccinations, which was brutal, but necessary. We will have to go back in 4 months for the second round, but otherwise nothing crazy. He has been to the dentist and received a full physical with a mostly clean bill of health! We weren't really concerned about anything with him, but it's always nice to have it confirmed. He's been a trooper!
Jordan on the other hand has had more going on and we have been all around Charlottesville trying to get everything teased out. He has also received all of his first round vaccinations, been to the audiologist, ENT, urologist, surgical consults, and occupational and speech therapy. He is going to undergo surgery for 2 outpatient procedures on February 22, so if you think of us, please say a prayer for him. I'm more nervous for how he will respond after it's all said and done, but I'm believing for a smooth process and recovery. One of the surgeries is tube placement in his ears which I pray will help a lot with his socialization and speech. He currently has moderate conductive hearing loss and has had fluid on his ears for years. At this stage it takes a lot of effort/physical touch to get/keep his attention and I'm hoping that when he can actually hear again this will help in a lot of different areas. Your prayers are coveted! Jordan has also been going to OT and Speech Therapy 1x/week for the last 6 weeks which has been good, but again I think the gains in hearing will really make a difference in this area too. I would love to be able to take him 2x/week, but since we are paying for this out of pocket, it's not really feasible at this time. Unfortunately, the county and school district won't review Jordan's case for free therapy services until he gets a developmental assessment (which really means they want a diagnosis), but the center for development in our town is so backed up that the earliest appointment we could get was for NOVEMBER. That's right, I said November. I think it's ridiculous how this whole system works, but I'm believing that someone will cancel and they will get us in earlier. Otherwise, it will be a lot of pinching pennies to continue with private services until that time. While no one has given him a diagnosis (and to be honest I don't really care for one!), we believe he has sensory processing disorder and high functioning autism. He exhibits signs for both of these regularly, and it's been a steep learning curve for Paul and I. We work hard with him on social skills, manners, self-soothing techniques and ability to focus on a regular basis, but we still have a long way to go. We are trusting God to help us fill in the gaps! Regardless of it all, we are so taken with both Jordan and Sebastian and it has been such a pleasure to see them grow and flourish under our roof.
2) Pre-School
The boys started pre-school 2 half days a week on February 1. They go on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8:30-12:30 and then come home with me for nap. Sebastian has LOVED going to school and has jumped right in to the classroom setting. He has such a smart little mind, and has really enjoyed a change in the routine and learning new things. He still has trouble engaging with other kids his age regularly, but we give him small tasks (i.e. learn someone's name!) which seems to help him in this area. Jordan on the other hand has had a really difficult time with this transition, and as a result has regressed quite a bit in many areas. He does not like school and really does not like going without his mama! He screams and wails in the same way he did when we dropped him off at the orphanage when we first met him, and it brings up a million different emotions for both of us. I know the abandonment fear is still extremely real for him, and it's evident in our daily conversations. Additionally, he completely isolates himself from the group and refuses to participate in any activities. This has gotten slightly better as he joined the group for play-doh and music last week, but it's still difficult to know he's hurting and I can't be there to help him. I was struggling with the decision to keep him in school, but after talking with a child psychologist who specializes in trauma and childhood crisis, she really encouraged me to stick it out as he really does need to be in school. So even though I often sit in my van and cry after I drop them off, I'm learning to trust God to heal Jordan where I can't and be with him in those times. It's tough and I often don't want to do it, but God can care for my babies WAY better than I can and again I will rest in that.
While the boys have been at school, I've been working hard to find ways to reenergize myself. Since we left for Uganda I haven't really done anything for myself on a regular basis, which has been unhealthy for sure. I'm realizing that I can't be my best self if I'm not taking care of myself, so I've been trying to add in things that give me life during these down times. I've been working out, trying to meet up with friends, and reading, which have all been wonderful changes to the previous routine. It's been hard to change my mentality from where I've been, but it's a welcome change. Here's to healing for all of us!
3) Emotions
All of us have been continuing to sort out all that has come with the adoption. I was recently talking with a friend who we were in Uganda with and we were remarking on how we are often nostalgic for the life we had in Uganda because of the simplicity and pure tenacity that came with that time. Instead of our kids being in fight or flight mode, we were, and it made us feel like we could accomplish anything. However, as you come back home and try to settle into a "normal" life, it just seems impossible at times. I often feel guilty for what my kids are going through and how difficult all of this must be on their little hearts. I know that sounds silly, but it's the truth. Trust me, if their first families could've loved them and cared for them, I would have loved my boys to stay in their culture and heritage. BUT. God chose us as their parents long before they were born, and I try to simply trust Him with their lives and their healing.
One of the hardest things is never knowing what will impact them and how they will respond to it. Jordan had a significant regression in all areas his first week of preschool, and began being aggressive and extremely defiant again. However, now that he's verbal he had more to say, and his words cut me deep. I know they are coming from a place of fear, trauma, and abandonment, but when you're doing all you can to keep these tiny humans alive and kicking, it's hard to add on the emotions of your child telling you they don't like you. Things have gotten better since that first week, but he continues to push back hard at this new stage, and it's taken a lot of intentional love and discipline to see some progress. For every 10 steps back, I have to remind myself of the 100 steps forward, which definitely helps keep things in perspective. Some days I don't think my heart can take much more, but somehow I make it through the day, and with God's grace, I know that trend will only get better.
I was able to attend a local adoption support group which was helpful, but it's still hard to not feel alone in this crazy journey. I often say that we've jumped into a beautiful chaos which often sums it up well for me. I love these two boys more than anything, but it doesn't make the emotion any less intense. We are all learning more about each other each week, and God is really uniting us as a family. We are getting more and more unsolicited "I love yous", more bear hugs, more words to explain their hurts, and more trust that we won't leave them. Every night before bed Paul and I remind the boys that we love them no matter what, that we will never leave them, that they are safe, and that Jesus is with them. In the beginning, we often felt these words were void to them, but it's clear they've taken them to heart and are often repeating back to us these same phrases when they are nervous or scared. It's encouraging to see their vulnerability peek out more regularly, but it's still a constant battle for all of us to stay consistent. Life is all about experiences and loving people, and every time I look into my boys' faces I see Jesus' love for them and I'm reminded why we chose to adopt. God is stretching both Paul and I to new limits and a new normal, and while challenging and emotional, I wouldn't have it any other way.
4) Thank Yous
I wanted to again thank all of our loving friends and family for their support and encouragement. So many of you have brought us meals, loved on our boys, supported us financially, let me cry on your shoulder or took me out for a much needed drink :) All of these acts of love mean more to me than you know and I can't imagine making it through without all of you. I am working toward a time when life feels joyful more than stressful, and all of your contributions help me move in that direction. You guys are great <3
So. A couple things. 1) I promise I will try to write more :) 2) Please continue to pray for our family. While things are getting better and better we still have such a long way to go and we couldn't do this without your prayers.
Enjoy some pics below from the last couple months! Life has been full of new things for them and it's fun to see it through their eyes!
Trying to grasp American songs :) :) They like singing in front of the fireplace because they can see their reflection!
Sebastian is a dancer in the making!